The story behind my name barber anxiety.
In 2005 my dad took his own life with no explanation to as why he had made the decision to do so.
*George best and my dad*
The pain and effect it had on myself was difficult. I found myself always asking why always trying to come to terms with it but without the answer to why I could never really find myself coming to terms with the fact he was actually gone.
Years going by and I was just a shell of myself not talking to no one not really grieving In denial that I was suffering for my dads actions. I went on self destruct drinking heavily to a point that’s all I was doing not eating loosing weight looking like a skeleton it wasn’t a good look. Getting myself arrested numerous times whilst drinking to a point where my anger was took out on any guy that even looked my way no matter how big they were even if It meant I got a*^% handed to me I didn’t care. I even contemplated taking my own life just to put myself in his shoes to figure out what my dad was going through what his thoughts were what was going through his mind.
*self destructing absolute rock bottom*🤢
My mother begged me to start opening up start talking to someone anyone still I carried on in denial acting like I was “handling it”
Truth was I was burying it and blocking it out.
The more I did the more agitated I became snappy with those closest to me mainly my mum god bless her all she wanted was me to be ok without her I’d never be half the man I am today.
*My beautiful mother and me*
2011 came. my little boy arrived in the October this is where I new I would never want him to suffer anything like I did.
*My gorgeous mini me and me over the years*
I started to open up to my mother trying to talk a little bit here and there still holding back as I didn’t want her to worry about me.
I found a local barbers I’d nip in get my haircut every week eventually I started to open up about little bits of my life and found comfort in doing so getting bits off my chest helped the barber had no idea how much effect he was having on my life. From this is where I decided that’s the career I wanted. I wanted to be able to make people feel the way I did the comfort and feeling of self worth when leaving the barbers chair.
I went on to put myself through college to become a barber. At the same time I was seeking councilling through my doctors.
The first councilling session I signed up for I attended but didn’t go in it petrified me. So I went back to self “handling” the situation for a few more years.
I became qualified as a barber in 2014 which helped me gain a lot of confidence started coming out of my shell more and more as well as the sense of fulfilment making people feel better but was only doing one or two haircuts from home.
*certificates and my first home barbers*
My tutor from college got me a job in a barbers but they couldn’t get me to a standard where I had envisioned myself so I left there to seek somewhere else.
*Me at my first barber job*
I was scrolling through social media for some sort of barber work I came across a post from the barber who used to cut my hair asking for qualified barbers. So I took a shot explained I needed a lot of training to get where I wanted to be.
I got a reply and it was good news he wanted to help me he knew I was hungry for it and he gave me my shot. He wanted to train me get me to where I wanted to be told me it would be hard but if I stuck with it he promised I would get there.
*The very message I got. I can still remember how excited I was*
I gained more than I could of hoped for I gained my confidence as well as my self worth back and the opportunity to help and give back to others. I’ll never forget that and never be able to repay him for what he has done for me because money can’t by it.
*Me doing a hot towel cut throat head shave*
Still to this day that barber who cut my hair and helped me without knowing when I first lost my father also helped me so much getting my standards of work so high Is also a friend.
*ilhams barbers with joe calzaghe and his dad*
However my vision was different I wasn’t chasing money I was just bettering myself each day and that’s enough.
Which now my vision is closer than ever mobile barber able to help people that struggle.. maybe just a haircut but for people who can’t get out it’s so much more..
2018 I finally got help I went to councilling I was finally ready to get better councilling helped me learn to find away to control my thoughts but only lasted 6 weeks. Then again I was on my own how was I going to do this ?
I went back to the doctors where I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety put on sertraline tablets yeah they gave me the up feeling but that wasn’t enough I needed to find away to control and deal with my thoughts I found meditation felt silly at first but now I couldn’t do without it.
*Me at my usual outside spot for meditating*
Now the time has come where I want to give back I want to help others I don’t want people to take the quick way out I don’t want people passing pain on like my dad I want them to know they are good enough they are worth being here they are loved no matter what. Dark days come but they pass I’m living proof of that.
So I took my condition instead of seeing it like everyone seems to these days as a bad negative thing i turned it into a positive thing and brought ANXIETY to life which is my barber name if you like with future prospects of getting more barbers mobile as a way of helping make peoples lives easier and a way to make a difference.
months of doodles and testing with my barber name playing around with a vision I had for years before.
*The progression of the development*
I decided to open my own online clothing store to give anxiety a positive twist in a world that seen it as a negative.
I contacted a few charity’s told them my plans so far (suicide for prevention in youth that can’t be named due to the comical items I’ll be selling) is the only ones to respond and gave me the all clear to donate a percentage of everything I sell to them to help them carry on there work prevention of suicide of the young.
I do hope they will be more charity’s in the future that work with stopping suicide and I can donate to them to.
If one person is helped through this ... my work has been worth while.
So wearing my merchandise or buying or using the mobile service you also have that sense of your doing something good your helping to help others and you can’t put a price on that because a percentage of all the barber anxiety merchandise sold will be donated to these charity’s.
I thank you all for taking the time to visit my site and reading the story behind it all. Your support is always something I’ll be thankful for and the more time I can free up for this the more I can help others too.
if you are someone who is struggling having a tough time don’t hesitate to talk to anyone I’m living proof you’ll be able to get there those dark days don’t last the sun always shines again.
links to my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and email below if anyone wants to ask anything.. just click the icon you want ... until then stay strong and stay blessed.